I, dancer.

I, Dancer.
One who moves with the beat of the music
no, to the rhythm
my own rhythm
my internal rhythm
here.
in my chest
my personal metronome

the soft pound, background sound
to the motions
coming and going like the ocean
swirled with my emotions

watch me, the dancer
as I move my feet
as I shimmy, slide
and ride that beat
the thump thump thump
that makes you go "mmmm"
because there are no words
left for you to speak

So let me translate
that knot in your chest
and let me do
what I do best
tell your story
from my point of view.
I, dancer.
I'll tell you a story
of the music
of happiness
of the joy
felt when I can't help but move
as though holding still
would be the most ultimate form of blasphemy against the world

If you listen carefully
with your eyes
I'll tell you my secrets
my innermost desires
as I glide past you
or is there a language barrier here?
did you get tongue tied with your two left feet?
so don't step at all
just chill on the wall
and sway with the beat
follow what you feel
loosen up
and, as they say
dance like no one's watching

But that's not true.
everyone's watching.
all eyes are on you. on me.
I, dancer.
but the only thing I see
is darkness
because I've closed my eyes
and let myself flow
soft like the wind
that rustles the leaves
during the fall-
my favorite time of year
I mimic the brittle leaves
as they float and spin to the floor
where the earth is now carpeted
in orange and red and yellow
and i dance across the leaves
just to hear them crunch under my feet

but I bring myself back to the moment
where everyone is waiting
for me to extend an arm
or shake a hip
so i indulge them
with my way of dance
meant to intrigue, entice, and entrance

and I see your gaze
following me
while I tell my story
do you hear me?
not the story from my lips
but the one told with feet, hands, and hips
maybe my message is lost on you
because
I can't teach you how to understand
what I'm saying
when I say it with no words at all
I, Dancer.

All over again

I thought I was done
I thought we were over
I said that everything we had been or could be
was about to end.

But there you go
proving me wrong again
and it's the best kind of bittersweet
I've ever tasted.

I've missed you.
I've missed you so much.

I didn't see this coming
I still don't fully understand you
so you always keep me guessing
as I fall for you
all over again.

just a weak moment

"I remember when you came back
and all you wanted to do was travel"
I remember it, too.
I had that sparkle in my eye
and a tie knotted around my heart
that was a rope stretched taut
across the entire pacific ocean
to you.

I want to see you again
and tell you that you're all I ever wanted
I want to drop everything and travel the world
see the sights
and just be
fall in love with you
and you fall for me
as we're surrounded by the world
we already love so much

two naturalists, young fools
following their hearts

but this is just a weak moment
and I won't tell you
how much I wish
I never had to leave
my own piece of the jungle
my own paradise
because it's where I discovered
you.

Simple moments of joy

I always say I can't wait
For whatever event
or moment
to happen
or pass
for the best thing yet
to occur

but truth be told?
I can.

I like the excitement
the build up
the pretense of it all

because the truth is
the moments when I'm happiest
are the ones
that I forget to look forward to.

The days I spent with my mother
talking about everything
and nothing at all.

The evenings I curl up next to my father
like I'm still tiny
and I can fit on the same couch cushion.

The nights that I spend out with my sister
where we laugh and talk
until we're too tired to entertain anymore.

The mornings that I spend with myself.
Simple, quiet beginnings of days
that let me stay centered.

So that being said
I can wait.

Back Again

Oh hey, it's me.
Remember me?
I'm that girl.
The one that you saw walk past you
in the dress with roses on it
blonde hair and a book in her hand
looking around like she thought everything was fascinating
with a glimmer in her eye
like she was in on the biggest joke of the world
and couldn't wait to share it with you.

Still yours

In case you didn't know
the realization hasn't hit you
you haven't taken the time to think about it
Or feelings and words escape you entirely
I'm just letting you know
that I'm still yours.

If I could choose,
I wouldn't be
But I am.

I know you're not mine
but that doesn't help the fact
that you've left me stranded
lacking a lover and a friend.

The ending is another beginning.

How do you recover after finding your soulmate and then leaving them after being with them for a day?
Or someone you thought was your soulmate?
How are you supposed to know, anyway?

Saying that I'm confused would be the understatement of the year.
I was so close to giving you everything that I already started giving it to you without knowing it.
I'm too scared to go near that again. I got burned so badly in the end....
You hurt me so much that I just put the pain out of my mind.
I never dealt with this properly because I didn't want to.

Here it goes, about a month too late:
I saw myself falling in love with you. hopelessly in love with you.
I was so willing to make it work that it drove me crazy.
It was all I thought about, talked about, dreamt about whenever I had a spare moment.
I was so wrapped up in you.
and you just moved on without telling me. without saying anything.
You say that you still like me and want to be friends, which is all that was possible in the first place... I was blinded by my feelings.

Now walking into the semblance of a rainforest reminds me of you and of us.
We were an "us".
You were mine, for however short a time.
and I wasn't ready to let you go.
But now, I am.

I know that there's something and someone better out there for me.
So why do I still cry when I think of how things were?

Maybe because I promised myself all these amazing dreams and futures that involved you
and you agreed to them by not doing anything
You didn't encourage them or shoot them down
until you realized that it wasn't going to work.
You're a coward.
I don't want to fall in love with a coward who doesn't know what he has until he's lost it
or doesn't care enough to hold on to it in the first place.

So here's to me
moving on past you
away from everything you put me through
to remembering that wanting what I can't have
leads to having what I don't want
and neither of those situations end happily.

I'm done.