Good morning

I fell asleep tracing your outline into my sheets
and woke up with your name traced onto my lips

Your words whispered me the kindest lullaby that was joined by the birds with enough audacity to start singing before the sun had kissed this side of my sanity Good Morning.

Good Morning.
you're the first one that I thought of even when I can't fully think straight
when I'm in the limbo between dreaming and reality
where I can still pretend like I'm pulling you close to me
but it feels more real than it should.

Good Morning.
I spent my few hours of sleep wondering when I'd be able to wake up next to you
hoping my subconscious could weave the threads of our conversation into a tapestry that made sense
one that I could curl up with when I get cold in the middle of the night
but no such luck has graced me yet.

Good Morning.
It's the moment as the world around me is starting to take its first deep inhale upon regaining consciousness
that moment before all your regular thoughts come flushing back like high tide
when you are completely aware of everything and know how greatness feels
until you forget it a moment later
and return your mind to its normal way of thinking

Good morning.
tell me that I've only been dreaming for the last three hours and not the last eight
tell me that everything you said is true
tell me all the stories that I can see waiting for me behind your eyes
tell me the smallest details of things you see and notice; pictures you would take if only your camera could properly get the message across
tell me how it feels when I make you flush with joy, with apprehension, with anticipation, with desire
tell me I'm beautiful and I just might believe you
tell me if I've made a effective enough dream catcher for you
tell me if I've helped the nightmares stop gripping you with fingers of disbelief
or if i've made it easier to run back to the comfort of reality once your subconscious releases its grip
tell me all the secrets that you have and you have collected
tell me whispers of stories you don't want anyone else to hear
tell me that you know you're on my mind
first thing when I wake up

Good Morning.
this
this is a new day
full of more surprises than the last because this one
is seen through a different shaded stained glass
there are prisms everywhere I look, light being bent refracted reflected and changed
and my mind is running at full speed with no sign of stopping anytime soon
but the only thought that I have in this small moment
is how much I would love to be pressed next to your chest
skin pressed to skin
fingertips and heartbeats intwining
and hear you murmur softly into the soft heat of my neck
those two simple words

Good morning.

three thousand miles

I miss you.
god, i miss you.

it's this constant presence in my mind and pressure in my chest
and I don't want to miss you but i do and it keeps happening
my train of thought pulls into stations that i'd rather pass through
rather not remember how your fingertips felt when they were intwined with mine
how you got a sparkle in your eye every time you spit poetry
like some part of your heart was shining through

and you said your heart was gone, was broken, wasn't able to be given any more
so i said i wouldn't give you mine.
but here's the problem:
I don't want anyone else to have it.

don't want anyone else to know the secrets of my skin
don't want to show them all the scars written in invisible ink
I don't want to let anyone else in

because if I do
i'm afraid I'll forget how you felt.

but at the same time
i want to sleep next to a stranger to erase you from my hands memory
you're the last person that I kissed
and I don't know whether I want to embrace that fact or run the fuck away from it

I keep having bipolar arguments inside my own head
inside my own heart
that don't lead me anywhere
except to lead me to being distracted,
wishing that i could have you near me and yet finding acceptance that you're so far away

you are approximately three thousand miles away from me right now
but to be more exact, it's about 2,836 miles. I checked.
which is about 54 hours by car
or five and a half by plane
and none of this really means anything
because it's not like you'll hear it anyway
it's just a way for me to stop thinking about the fact
that I miss you.

Closing chapter

I made it through all the anger.
Through a five hour plane ride, two finals, and a lack of sleep.
I'm on the other side of the country from you- I even dipped my fingers in a different ocean in the hopes that it would wash away the memories written on the lines of my fingerprints

You told me that in my own way with my own voice, I saved your life.
you said to remember to take the lightbulbs with me under my fingertips because it would help knowing my hands know the way.
You reminded me not to forget to use my voice and asked me to save somebody for you out there.
you thanked me. for being born.

I deleted your text messages.
All of them.
I had them saved for the last seven days as a reminder of that late night call
when I told you everything that my hands were afraid to write
I said how much I wanted to see you again
but I knew it wouldn't happen.

I still miss you, I miss your touch, your laugh, your voice
the way that you would get really quiet and speak to me softly
kiss my wrists when I had my hands on your shoulders

You told me that you couldn't give me anything
so I didn't ask you to
but I gave you all that I could.
I wanted you to have anything that could help soothe the anger behind your eyes

So here's to the future
to not knowing when our paths will cross again
and I'm alright if they stay separated
because you're part of the story that I'm still writing.