stupidity

I guess this is what graduate school is about.
realizing how little you know
and being surrounded by the best and the brightest

but all it feels like
is that i'm not living up to standards
that i'm actually not understanding what I should be
that i'm lacking in experience and learning
and that i'll fail.

I'm afraid that someone is going to look at me
with a dawning realization crossing their face
"you're not as smart as you should be, are you?"

not like anyone would be that cruel
except me. to myself.

I guess I should cut myself some slack...

but I want to do well
I want to succeed and discover new things

but right now all i feel capable of
is sleeping.
just letting time pass me by in an unconscious state
of unknowing
no one can call me stupid when i'm sleeping
well, at least I won't hear it.