Long Distance

I could have been normal.
I could have blended in, looked just like
everybody else
Let myself mingle with the masses
and never be heard.

But I have this voice in my head
that tells me to write.

I could have gone out,
like another well behaved member of society
to follow the equation
that x amount of money spent
equals Y amount of happiness
lived the American dream, complete with white picket fence,
white husband, white kids, white walls that feel more like bars.

But then you appeared.
you, a filipino with skin the color of bronze honey
a smirk that makes my own face light up when I see it
you,
my greatest inspiration
my strongest muse
pushing me back towards the paper

you make it so that I can't breathe
can't move
can't speak

until I tell the world
how you make me shudder.
with pleasure.

How your voice, saying my name
makes me blush like a little girl
who was caught writing love notes
in the corner of a classroom

and I mean saying my name as in
when you answer the phone
or that pause in conversation
when you repeat it again
to ensure you have my attention

because I haven't been next to you
in quite some time
I never knew the emotions behind long distance
until right now

when my fingers are sore
from typing on my phone
a rather mechanical, calculated motion that they detest
they would rather flow smoothly through your frizzy hair
that's somewhere between behaving and still flat on one side from the pillow
would rather be entwined with your careful hands
be tucked in between your fingers, one by one, like small children
told bedtime stories by each stroke of your thumb along the side of my hand
the rhythm of a lullaby
making me shiver with delight
that sends lightning bolts up my spine
the thunder is a hungry rumble in my chest
a low growl that I wouldn't hear
if I hadn't been listening.
a purr of wanting.

You make me want to want.
want to curl up next to you and pretend like everything in the world can just pause
just wait for another day
until it has to take us away from each other again.
I want to look in your eyes to see a flicker of desire
that is echoed in the heat of your skin
want to seduce you with secrets, with sensations
want to tantalize you with my dancing body
drive you crazy until you give in
to me.

But I can only see you
after skype has told me to take a deep breath
because you're an entire coastline away from me.
so when Owl City says Hello Seattle, I think of you
you tell me how it's always pouring, so
when it rains here, I feel closer to where you are
lost in the pulse of the drops that hit the ground
that seem to match my heartbeat
which is counting down the days
until I can see you again.

but as long as there's the entire length of a mountain range between us
I'll tell my heart to keep keeping time
unless i'm on the stage, i'll pretend to be normal
pretend like nothing is wrong
pretend like I don't miss you more with every day
pretend like I haven't thought about everything I would do to you, do with you
if this wasn't
long distance.