Luck, fate, and all that other bullshit

I'm scared.
We've been over that part already.
I'm scared of the unknown
of the unsure
of the blurry future
I like knowing where my life is going.
knowing exactly what I feel
and knowing where things will go
and yet now
those are all up in the air
like juggling pins
and I don't know which one I'm going to catch first.

But I do know
that when I see you, I light up like the front of houses on christmas; like the sky on 4th of july
when you say my name, I feel butterflies that tickle their wings against my skin, making you feel closer to me
every time you tell me you miss me, my heartbeat pauses for a minute like it's forgotten the tempo it's supposed to be at.
when I think about being in your arms, I feel safe and upset at the same time

because I also know
that you're so far away from me
which only makes me miss you more.

And I'm stuck here with only my fingers that stroke the letters from the keyboard, coaxing the thoughts from my mind
in some hope that this will make the longing less hard to bear
the thought that it will be another month before I see you.
that you don't know me that well- but I want you to.
I want you to know all of me.
strip me down, lay myself out bare in front of you
and trust you.

All I know how to say
is I miss you. so much.
We're going off of a hunch
some romantic notion
that this could work
that this could be worth it

you're only one plane flight away from me
and right now, I would get in my car and drive up to see you if it meant falling asleep in your arms.

Instead, i'm here by the phone
waiting for you to call me back
so that your voice can ease my mind
and i know that I'll jump when I see your name on the caller ID
just like I do, every time.

and so I end with this:
I'm willing to give us a chance.
I promise to try my best to not hold anything back.
and I miss you. still.