Still yours

In case you didn't know
the realization hasn't hit you
you haven't taken the time to think about it
Or feelings and words escape you entirely
I'm just letting you know
that I'm still yours.

If I could choose,
I wouldn't be
But I am.

I know you're not mine
but that doesn't help the fact
that you've left me stranded
lacking a lover and a friend.

The ending is another beginning.

How do you recover after finding your soulmate and then leaving them after being with them for a day?
Or someone you thought was your soulmate?
How are you supposed to know, anyway?

Saying that I'm confused would be the understatement of the year.
I was so close to giving you everything that I already started giving it to you without knowing it.
I'm too scared to go near that again. I got burned so badly in the end....
You hurt me so much that I just put the pain out of my mind.
I never dealt with this properly because I didn't want to.

Here it goes, about a month too late:
I saw myself falling in love with you. hopelessly in love with you.
I was so willing to make it work that it drove me crazy.
It was all I thought about, talked about, dreamt about whenever I had a spare moment.
I was so wrapped up in you.
and you just moved on without telling me. without saying anything.
You say that you still like me and want to be friends, which is all that was possible in the first place... I was blinded by my feelings.

Now walking into the semblance of a rainforest reminds me of you and of us.
We were an "us".
You were mine, for however short a time.
and I wasn't ready to let you go.
But now, I am.

I know that there's something and someone better out there for me.
So why do I still cry when I think of how things were?

Maybe because I promised myself all these amazing dreams and futures that involved you
and you agreed to them by not doing anything
You didn't encourage them or shoot them down
until you realized that it wasn't going to work.
You're a coward.
I don't want to fall in love with a coward who doesn't know what he has until he's lost it
or doesn't care enough to hold on to it in the first place.

So here's to me
moving on past you
away from everything you put me through
to remembering that wanting what I can't have
leads to having what I don't want
and neither of those situations end happily.

I'm done.

That should be me.

Who would have known that after all this went on, you would still be stuck in the back of my mind?
Waiting for me to let my guard down, to think that I was alright
Then you would remind me.

All the time we spent talking.
The plans we made.
How much you made me laugh.
You made me so happy. You still do.

The fact that I thought you were my soulmate.
I don't think that's going to change any time soon.

But I'm stuck here, an ocean and half a country away from you.
Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder.
It makes it wander.
Makes it wonder.
Is this what I want?

You said that you still enjoy my company. You still like me.
You want to stay friends.

"That should be me, holding your hand, making you laugh, that should be me, this is so sad.
That should be me, feeling your kiss."

But it's not.
Maybe you'll chase after her only to find that she's not what you want.
And I'll wake up next to someone else feeling like something is missing.

or maybe we'll both move on like this never happened.

Everything comes to an end.

It's over.
You finally told me everything.
and you know what? I'm okay.

I had already let you go by the time you explained yourself to me.
Our three month long distance fling got intense and then... it was over.
Just like that.

Which is probably for the best.
I'm just happy that I got a great friend out of it all.

And who knows, maybe our paths will cross again someday.

recovery

Everything I held on to for the last however long.
You turned my world on its head.
And then you left it like that
But i'm not used to seeing things upside down.
I'm not used to looking at the world without thinking about you.

You haunted my daily routines, my poetry, and my dreams.
But no more.

You betrayed me, lied to me, and fucked it all over so badly.

I'm so hurt right now.
I forgot how to heal.
I forgot what it was like to feel pain this bad.

You're not who I thought you were.

God, you are such an ass.
So much more of one than I thought you would be.

I thought you would have the decency to wait a few minutes so you could talk to me face to face rather than being such a coward about it.
Way to leave me hanging.
Way to be the guy that I was so sure you weren't.

I can't believe this. I can't believe you would do this.

You're seeing someone else.
That's fine. It's within your right to do that.

But to not say anything, to let it die slowly while I'm wondering what I've done to drive you away? I thought you were better than that. I thought I knew that you were better than that.

I should be proud, really. That you can play up the act so well that I fell for it hook, line and sinker? Props to you, buddy.

Texas

Can we pretend that airplanes in the sky are like shooting stars
Because I could really use a wish right now.


Words that I mold and bend can't say it better
than wanting the power to change anything
Anything.
Where I am right now, so far from home.
So far from anyone I know.
So far from anything familiar.
I don't even have a guide to help me.
It's alright; I know I'll figure it out soon

I'm just lonely.
Which is stupid; I should be out there exploring and discovering and adventuring.
But i'm still inside, looking out the window and wishing
wishing I was home, in my comfort zone

I guess I'll learn more about myself when I'm outside my comfort zone.
No more excuses. No more whining. No more "I'm homesick."
I've only been here one day.
I'm gonna make the best of this.