Here.

Here we are.
we found each other
and I don't know about you
but my stomach starts doing flips when I see your face
Like I'm a gymnast
doing backhandspring-double twist-somersault- non fat mocha latte type spins
making me dizzy and inverting my view of the world
until I fall
for you.

the one variable in my life
because I love to categorize
and you
just don't fit
in the neat boxes that I've lined up in my head
I can't sit you on the shelf
next to my childhood memories
or tuck you away in the box with my general lack of faith in the male population.
I don't know where you go.

and honestly, I'm scared.
Like I was as a little girl.
When I thought there was an alligator under my bed
I knew that it wasn't possible, or even probable
but that didn't mean that I'd dangle my hand over the edge to tempt him
because I didn't want to get hurt.
If I got dragged into the unknown in my sleep
I wasn't sure if I'd make it back the next morning.

but for you?
I'd wrestle every scaly beast that lurks in florida swamps
like a female Steve Irwin
tie their sharp snouts shut
if it meant I could get to you.

You, the best muse that anyone could have.
I never thought that I'd have a "you"
and honestly, this is probably as close to a love poem as I'll ever get.

You see, they say that love is blind
but I can still see.
They say love is a weapon
but I never learned how to fight.
Love is patient, love is kind
but I was never schooled in all the virtues.

I.... have never been in love.

But I figured that when I was ready, it would happen
prince charming would appear
and I would be the one riding the horse
because I've never been much of a damsel in distress

but I just wish you could see past the front that I put up so hard
that i'm fine being one of the single ladies
all you women, who independent
throw your hands up at me
just another line in a beyonce song

when really
I want to be the everything to your brad paisley
Fly you to the moon like frank sinatra
so that I can finally sing at last like etta james.

But right now
my heart is thumping out a beat
to a song that I don't know the words to.
and besides
we both know
that you're the better singer anyway
So write down the lyrics that are stuck in my head
and I'll move to the emotion in your voice

because you found me.
and here we are.

"Biggest part of me" by Ambrosia

I'm scared to sing in front of you.
Mostly because when I open my mouth to let out a melody
it sounds like a small animal is dying.

but without even saying anything
I relax and start singing along
to the music that I sent to you

and the song you gave to me
is stuck in my head
I'm playing it on repeat
over and over and over

Hoping, in vain, that it will bring me closer to you.
that somehow, it will ease this tugging in my chest
of a constant desire to be near you.
Just to have your arm around me
to hear your voice in my ear
to curl up next to you
would be enough.

I'm not asking for long, just for now.
Because I know that I get scared easily
but when it comes to you
I'm not scared.
and when I am
it eases in a matter of minutes.

You're the one that I want.

One

There was a serendipitous moment
of all the chairs in the room, I chose mine
of all the seats in the room, you chose yours.
of all the places in each others lives, we chose ours.

It only took one look.
one introduction.
one conversation for my face to light up
and want to know more.

it took one decision
for one night
to change everything.

One moment
for you to say what I never expected
for you to become what I didn't know you could be
into the one
that I want the most.

One afternoon
spent listening to one of the most inspirational women
pull at my heartstrings with her every word
spent sitting next to you.
a fluke circumstance to set this entire thing in motion

and it took me one moment to trust you entirely.
but I only had one day with you
that left me wanting more.

so now I'll wait to find out
if you're
the one.

Just the truth

I don't like it when you walk away.
I get ancy
I pace back and forth
like i've lost something.

I've always understood that time is irrelevant
but with you, that thought is bittersweet.
because whenever you leave, you leave too early
and yet the basis for knowing each other is based on such short time.

I've looked out at the world before
and I didn't like what I saw
but when I was curled up next to you
the view changed.
Gone were the negative thoughts
the distrust of humanity
and i just saw things how they were
not how I wanted them to be.

that being said
I know what I want.
I want to be with you
to slide in bed
and share body heat and stories
until the sun rises
and then let sleep caress me away
while i'm safe in your arms.

But just for the sake of contradiction
I don't know what I want.
I'm very independent
and I don't even like to rely on others
I have goals, motivation, drive, whatever you want to call it
and I'm not willing to let anything get in the way of that

but
If I don't take the risk
I know beyond a doubt that I'll regret it
and this level of trust should scare me
but it doesn't.

I used to be able to look to the future
and see what would be or what could be.
but now it's all fuzzy and blurred
up in the air for grabs
as I suppose it's always been
and I was only seeing what I wanted to have in my future
but I guess this means that now
Now, I don't know what I will want.

But right now, I know that I want to be with you.
and I don't like it when you leave.

Speechless

I am a poet.
Or I like to think I am.
I can pull words together
like a jewelers
and string them along, like diamonds
to be cast in the sky
as a new constellation
that lovers across the world will see
and say
look!
the heavens themselves have recognized our love!

I am a chef of letters
with frying pans and baking sheets and pots of random concoctions
all thrown together with a little heat
some spicy,
meant to induce a little pain along with the pleasure
of swallowing my ideas.
others smooth
soft swishing sounds that say it's all the same
the you swirl around for a bit
to fully satisfy your sweet tooth.

I'll shape the way you make me feel
out of verbal clay
thrown down, again and again
squishy, unformed and useless
but with practiced hands
patience, and an imagination that always keeps me entertained
I'll keep
spinning it and molding it
until you've been compared
to Romeo, Lancelot, Mr. Darcy
the Prince albert to my Queen Victoria.

but no, I am this generation's spoken Pablo Picasso.
Actually- more like Van Gogh
swirling colors of sounds on my personal palette
just to throw them across a canvas of eardrums
so that the reverberations
and the pounding of my own nervous heart
are combined
with a symphony of crickets
and that noise with no name
of the wind going shhhh over the grass
the moon's laughter
and the city's tired sigh
into my own starry night

and then next day
in the sun's light
I am a gardener extraordinare
growing rhymes and ideas
in the warm sunshine
supporting them with a nurturing hand
and tediously combing through their ranks
for unwanted weeds
that have the tendency
to make my flowers choke

I am a poet.
but whenever I see you
all I can say
as my brain going a thousand miles a minute
is
"hey."

In my eyes

Do you know my favorite thing
To do upon waking?
While my eyes are still sleepy
And dawn is breaking?

When I’m still safe in my nest
Of blankets, so warm
Is to let my vision alight
Upon your vulnerable form

Sleeping quietly, in my bed
I softly shift next to
The slow rhythmic breathing
And scent that is you

My favorite thing to do
When I wake
Is see your eyes see me
It’s not just my breath
But my words you take.

To see you see me
With our heads on the same pillow
Ignoring the noise
And bustle below

Yet

I can’t tell
Or maybe can’t find
The thoughts behind the blue eyes
You won’t speak your mind

I reminisce on the night
That came before this morning
Filled with passion, desire
And also- a warning.

From those gentle hands
That held my cheek
And the soft kisses
That I know it’s cliché
Made me weak.



I’m usually so firm
So steadfast, so strong
Yet in all the joy of us
Something is wrong.

You asked me, quietly
As though saying it loud
Might scare me away
Or push me off my cloud

And I?
I couldn’t respond
Save for a blank stare
That I prefer to save
For when I don’t care

But the sounds of the words
I wished I could say
Got caught in my throat
And there I lay

Exposed in your arms
Unsure of what to do
When you hesitatingly asked me
To make love to you

Now, my unexpected innocence
May show through
But how can I comply
When you won’t speak
“I love you”?

The deal is this:
I give my first time away
You enjoy the benefits
And that’s supposed to be okay?

Making love should involve
Actually being in love
With the person that
You’ve barely dared to dream of

Actions without emotions
Is like not feeling hunger, but eating
So please excuse the drumroll
That’s just my heart beating

As I decide
That I’m not your dessert.
So I bite my lip
And fuss with my shirt

My voice might tremble
Because I can’t be nonchalant
When I tell you
I can’t give myself to you
The way you want

I used to wait for
You to see me
But now I don’t look
At the days that used to be

Now, my favorite thing to do
When I arise from sleeping
While everything is still cozy
In my bed’s safekeeping

Is realize how
I’ve become wise
and over time
Learning to prize
The beautiful gift
Between my thighs
And I see myself
Through my own eyes.

Flying

I can't believe it
you're mine.
you've enveloped me in the protective circle of your arms
and I just lay here
as we exchange body heat and sweet nothings
little butterflies that leave your lips
land on my ear and flutter their way down
somewhere below the source
of the rhythm
that joins yours in a drumline
and they tickle their wings against my skin
making my cheeks turn pink
like the sky just before the sun peeks over the edge of the world.
the sun...
the sunrise?
hitting my eyes
and it was
just a dream.

I'm home. in my bed.
I'm wrapped in a cocoon of blankets
but my head is still wrapped up in you
my body warmth reciprocated only by
the soft feathers around me.
So I drag myself from my nest
and try to forget
the way my mind told me
that your hands feel

And I wander
through the rest of my day
with nothing nearly as exciting
as the moments that my subconscious provided
cars, bicycles, buses
crowds of people
books
teachers that drone on and on
and on.
but then
with my favorite bag in tow
leather strap cutting into my shoulder
I see you
underneath the eucalyptus trees.
the trees that remind me of younger days
of my grandmother's.
and the leaves crush under my feet,
with that usual punch you in the olfactory bulb scent
that is so faint
that it actually just kind of
tickles.
the way that the butterfly wings
are starting to do again
when you look at me that way.

when you look at me that way
I feel like you're pulling me out of my cocoon
where I've been hiding away from the world
unfurling my wings
and telling me that I can fly.
Me? fly?
I can barely put one foot in front of the other without falling down.
but I trust you, when you look at me that way.
So I tilt my head to the sky
and imitate the birds
I push away from the earth, from the world
and my whole heart starts to soar
skipping beats and skimming over clouds
when you look at me that way
I feel like I'm flying
among the stars
that taste minty fresh
and tingle across my feet
like tiny kisses from icicles.

When you look at me that way
you say what your words can never tell me
the eyes are the window to the soul
but yours are doors
to a different dimension
to a separate world
an alternate reality
where I can fly with you.

Your look shows me
promises unspoken.
and you reach for my hand
for MY hand.
and we walk slowly
with our fingers intwined
like the teeth of a zipper
I pinch myself, just to be sure-
but no, this time
I'm flying for real.