composition number 1

Imma start this off slow,
So you can feel my flow
Try and understand what I already know
If you not feelin it, there’s the door,
If you’d like, you can up and go
Cause I’m not Maya but my love is like whoa

Sorry, too much, lemme spoon feed ya
My half baked ideas all up in hur
Cause I don’t wanna give you indigestion
So lemme start this off with a simple question

Did you think a white girl can’t rap?
You might wanna take a couple steps back
But don’t trip on yourself and fall off track
Check yourself if you think my shit is whack

Cause I’m not one to fit your description
The words I spit don’t belong in the fiction
Section, although I speak with perfect diction
I belong on the stage, not the mother fuckin kitchen
You best not be askin this bad bitch
Cause I know you can make your own damn sandwich

Oops, I should say sorry if I surprised ya
that when I walk in they say recognize her
But there’s something you gotta realize, sir
I’m the new fair lady no my name ain’t eliza

Cause I don’t Doolittle to bust out these rhymes
About something other than big curvy dimes
When you ain’t got a nickel in these hard ass times
You can’t make it rain, bitch I make it shower
By speakin out against me you’ve given me the power
To use my own voice to make your face turn sour
Cause I can keep this goin for a couple more hours

And honestly ya’ll are makin me tired
Listenin to rappers I know I admired
But you past your prime, you shoulda been retired
You sleepin on the job when I’m still wired

Hyped up on electricity
You shouldn’ta judged me on my ethnicity
I ain’t in the cult of domesticity
you stuntin for my publicity
I tried to warn ya of my toxicity
My words are poison in all simplicity

Creepin in your system, strangling your throat
Crossin out the words you already wrote
Just give up now, don’t forget your coat
This is for the haters, ya’ll better take note
That it’s just so easy for me to get your goat
But I’m not one to sit back and gloat
You on your high horse, I’m on a mother fuckin boat.

T pain’s dreads ain't got nothing on me
I’m the newest thing to hit the OC
Bustin out moves and feelin like YEE
The tall white girl that’s ya new emcee
Of tonight’s event, now let me see
You gotta help me out, where were we?
yeah, you were actin a fool, like a big pussy
Cause you couldn’t sit back just let me be
How about you do you and I’ll do me
or keep trippin like ya drop lsd
I make ya sick like ddt
I ain't just ill, bitch I'm a disease
can't be touched by the cdc
I'm classy as fuck like the bbc
while you still doin you're ABC's
I already got my Ph D

I'm the new professor of this swagger class
my mind sharp like the edge of cut glass
at this point in the game you can't even pass
cause Imma be first, you'll come in last

it was your mistake to underestimate a girl
did the earth just shake or did I rock your world?

Luck, fate, and all that other bullshit

I'm scared.
We've been over that part already.
I'm scared of the unknown
of the unsure
of the blurry future
I like knowing where my life is going.
knowing exactly what I feel
and knowing where things will go
and yet now
those are all up in the air
like juggling pins
and I don't know which one I'm going to catch first.

But I do know
that when I see you, I light up like the front of houses on christmas; like the sky on 4th of july
when you say my name, I feel butterflies that tickle their wings against my skin, making you feel closer to me
every time you tell me you miss me, my heartbeat pauses for a minute like it's forgotten the tempo it's supposed to be at.
when I think about being in your arms, I feel safe and upset at the same time

because I also know
that you're so far away from me
which only makes me miss you more.

And I'm stuck here with only my fingers that stroke the letters from the keyboard, coaxing the thoughts from my mind
in some hope that this will make the longing less hard to bear
the thought that it will be another month before I see you.
that you don't know me that well- but I want you to.
I want you to know all of me.
strip me down, lay myself out bare in front of you
and trust you.

All I know how to say
is I miss you. so much.
We're going off of a hunch
some romantic notion
that this could work
that this could be worth it

you're only one plane flight away from me
and right now, I would get in my car and drive up to see you if it meant falling asleep in your arms.

Instead, i'm here by the phone
waiting for you to call me back
so that your voice can ease my mind
and i know that I'll jump when I see your name on the caller ID
just like I do, every time.

and so I end with this:
I'm willing to give us a chance.
I promise to try my best to not hold anything back.
and I miss you. still.

Here.

Here we are.
we found each other
and I don't know about you
but my stomach starts doing flips when I see your face
Like I'm a gymnast
doing backhandspring-double twist-somersault- non fat mocha latte type spins
making me dizzy and inverting my view of the world
until I fall
for you.

the one variable in my life
because I love to categorize
and you
just don't fit
in the neat boxes that I've lined up in my head
I can't sit you on the shelf
next to my childhood memories
or tuck you away in the box with my general lack of faith in the male population.
I don't know where you go.

and honestly, I'm scared.
Like I was as a little girl.
When I thought there was an alligator under my bed
I knew that it wasn't possible, or even probable
but that didn't mean that I'd dangle my hand over the edge to tempt him
because I didn't want to get hurt.
If I got dragged into the unknown in my sleep
I wasn't sure if I'd make it back the next morning.

but for you?
I'd wrestle every scaly beast that lurks in florida swamps
like a female Steve Irwin
tie their sharp snouts shut
if it meant I could get to you.

You, the best muse that anyone could have.
I never thought that I'd have a "you"
and honestly, this is probably as close to a love poem as I'll ever get.

You see, they say that love is blind
but I can still see.
They say love is a weapon
but I never learned how to fight.
Love is patient, love is kind
but I was never schooled in all the virtues.

I.... have never been in love.

But I figured that when I was ready, it would happen
prince charming would appear
and I would be the one riding the horse
because I've never been much of a damsel in distress

but I just wish you could see past the front that I put up so hard
that i'm fine being one of the single ladies
all you women, who independent
throw your hands up at me
just another line in a beyonce song

when really
I want to be the everything to your brad paisley
Fly you to the moon like frank sinatra
so that I can finally sing at last like etta james.

But right now
my heart is thumping out a beat
to a song that I don't know the words to.
and besides
we both know
that you're the better singer anyway
So write down the lyrics that are stuck in my head
and I'll move to the emotion in your voice

because you found me.
and here we are.

"Biggest part of me" by Ambrosia

I'm scared to sing in front of you.
Mostly because when I open my mouth to let out a melody
it sounds like a small animal is dying.

but without even saying anything
I relax and start singing along
to the music that I sent to you

and the song you gave to me
is stuck in my head
I'm playing it on repeat
over and over and over

Hoping, in vain, that it will bring me closer to you.
that somehow, it will ease this tugging in my chest
of a constant desire to be near you.
Just to have your arm around me
to hear your voice in my ear
to curl up next to you
would be enough.

I'm not asking for long, just for now.
Because I know that I get scared easily
but when it comes to you
I'm not scared.
and when I am
it eases in a matter of minutes.

You're the one that I want.

One

There was a serendipitous moment
of all the chairs in the room, I chose mine
of all the seats in the room, you chose yours.
of all the places in each others lives, we chose ours.

It only took one look.
one introduction.
one conversation for my face to light up
and want to know more.

it took one decision
for one night
to change everything.

One moment
for you to say what I never expected
for you to become what I didn't know you could be
into the one
that I want the most.

One afternoon
spent listening to one of the most inspirational women
pull at my heartstrings with her every word
spent sitting next to you.
a fluke circumstance to set this entire thing in motion

and it took me one moment to trust you entirely.
but I only had one day with you
that left me wanting more.

so now I'll wait to find out
if you're
the one.

Just the truth

I don't like it when you walk away.
I get ancy
I pace back and forth
like i've lost something.

I've always understood that time is irrelevant
but with you, that thought is bittersweet.
because whenever you leave, you leave too early
and yet the basis for knowing each other is based on such short time.

I've looked out at the world before
and I didn't like what I saw
but when I was curled up next to you
the view changed.
Gone were the negative thoughts
the distrust of humanity
and i just saw things how they were
not how I wanted them to be.

that being said
I know what I want.
I want to be with you
to slide in bed
and share body heat and stories
until the sun rises
and then let sleep caress me away
while i'm safe in your arms.

But just for the sake of contradiction
I don't know what I want.
I'm very independent
and I don't even like to rely on others
I have goals, motivation, drive, whatever you want to call it
and I'm not willing to let anything get in the way of that

but
If I don't take the risk
I know beyond a doubt that I'll regret it
and this level of trust should scare me
but it doesn't.

I used to be able to look to the future
and see what would be or what could be.
but now it's all fuzzy and blurred
up in the air for grabs
as I suppose it's always been
and I was only seeing what I wanted to have in my future
but I guess this means that now
Now, I don't know what I will want.

But right now, I know that I want to be with you.
and I don't like it when you leave.

Speechless

I am a poet.
Or I like to think I am.
I can pull words together
like a jewelers
and string them along, like diamonds
to be cast in the sky
as a new constellation
that lovers across the world will see
and say
look!
the heavens themselves have recognized our love!

I am a chef of letters
with frying pans and baking sheets and pots of random concoctions
all thrown together with a little heat
some spicy,
meant to induce a little pain along with the pleasure
of swallowing my ideas.
others smooth
soft swishing sounds that say it's all the same
the you swirl around for a bit
to fully satisfy your sweet tooth.

I'll shape the way you make me feel
out of verbal clay
thrown down, again and again
squishy, unformed and useless
but with practiced hands
patience, and an imagination that always keeps me entertained
I'll keep
spinning it and molding it
until you've been compared
to Romeo, Lancelot, Mr. Darcy
the Prince albert to my Queen Victoria.

but no, I am this generation's spoken Pablo Picasso.
Actually- more like Van Gogh
swirling colors of sounds on my personal palette
just to throw them across a canvas of eardrums
so that the reverberations
and the pounding of my own nervous heart
are combined
with a symphony of crickets
and that noise with no name
of the wind going shhhh over the grass
the moon's laughter
and the city's tired sigh
into my own starry night

and then next day
in the sun's light
I am a gardener extraordinare
growing rhymes and ideas
in the warm sunshine
supporting them with a nurturing hand
and tediously combing through their ranks
for unwanted weeds
that have the tendency
to make my flowers choke

I am a poet.
but whenever I see you
all I can say
as my brain going a thousand miles a minute
is
"hey."