For me, It's you.

You've only been gone for three days. Three long days.
Two nights I've spent without curling up next to you. Without waking up, hearing you say good morning, and watching you laugh and try to tame my mess of hair.
You say your family loves me. They say I'm a keeper... Well, I already knew I am but I'm so happy that they can see that. Can you see that? Do you see that? Are you going to keep me around in your life past what you know how to do with your heart?

Neither of us are being taught anything about love. We learn no philosophy, no poetry, no songs written by past lovers. I immerse myself in the light of life around me, you surround yourself with forces and calculations. Both strongly attached to science (and other nerdy things), yet both finding each other.
We're in an unknown field. I never saw you coming. You said you thought I was out of your league... Until you learned that a personality existed beneath the colorful exterior that, I admit, can be rather intimidating.

I'm so used to being on my own, to depending on myself. I keep my persona quite strong regardless of who I am surrounded by- something I learned the hard way over the years. Except now... I have you to lean on. You tug my hand when I start falling behind, you hold me when I need comfort, you talk to me when I need to be quieted, and you sit in silence when I need to speak. You're such a big part of my world; my heart is so happy because it is tied to yours.
I don't know how to fall in love. I don't know if you know how to either... I guess we can learn together and teach each other along the way.

I miss you. All the time. I'm terrible at leaving your side, but I do so only because I know I'll return soon.
It's been three days. Three incredibly long and somewhat empty days. I'm not sure what to do with how I feel.

I can't wait to be in your arms again. For the first time, I feel like I belong next to someone. Next to you. I belong nestled against your chest, listening to the gentle rhythm of your heart as it matches mine.
I can't wait to stop missing you.

The way I fall for you.

Thoughts of you criss cross in my mind like ice skaters on a pond. I stare at them in wonder, asking myself how this has come to be.

Three months have gone by since you first revealed to me that you had feelings for me. Does it feel like a long time? I'm not sure what it feels like. It feels like I've spent the last quarter of a year with you by my side... Admittedly, it took me a while to get used to it and accept that it was real. that YOU were real. that how you felt about me was real. IS real.

You tell me that I'm beautiful. That you don't know how you got a girl like me.
What or who is a "girl like me" exactly? I mean, I know who I am to me, but who am I to you?
That's a question that shouldn't be answered right now.

You make my head rush and my heart pound. I can't focus when you're in the room with me.
I'm not scared anymore. Do you know that?
I'm falling for you, you know. A little more every day.
It's all in the little things. The way you look at me just before you lean over to kiss me, the way you touch my side when I lie next to you, the way you laugh when I put my foot in my mouth (again). The way you look against my pillows when I wake up next to you. The way you call me when you miss me. The way you tell me to look foxy, knowing that I love being girly. The way you throw me in the pool even though I'm screaming for you to put me down. The way you hold my hand when we walk around.
The way you hold me... I feel so safe. I'm comfortable.
I want to spend a day with you just doing nothing. Spend the day in bed, or watching movies, or just staring at clouds.

I never thought that you'd be mine or I'd be yours. I never thought I'd be okay with belonging to someone... But I'm yours. I can't see anyone else because my mind's eye is stuck on you.
It's a bit annoying,really. There are times when I'd rather focus on what I'm doing rather than having my mind wander off to think about you.

You accept me as I am. Every crazy story, every dorky attribute, every small scar on my body, everything. It sounds corny, but I'm going ahed with it anyway- you helped me trust again.
So now I ask you, please, please don't take this away from me.
I'm falling too hard for you to go back now.

Budding affections

You walk to me so easily
my stomach and tongue are a mess of knots.
I had something witty to say
but now that I've seen you, I forgot.

Wish you were here.

To say it simply,

I miss you.

the words don't come out right

but the thoughts do.

I long for the warmth

of your body next to mine.

of your voice, soft in my ear.

of your presence, so comforting.

I can't help but want you near.

My usual lines of elegance

fall apart

when coupled this dull aching

somewhere near my heart.

New beginnings

You make me so happy.
I always want to be curled up next to you.
I've run out of reason to be upset- you're there to calm me down every time I run to your arms.
You don't realize what you mean to me, do you?
I don't think you do. Not quite yet.

When you hold me, what are you thinking?
Am I just another girl to you? Because I'm not. I'm much, much different from the other girls you've known.
I have an attitude, that much you know already.
Underneath that, though... I have a soft side that I show to very few.
At the end of the day, I come visit you. Not anyone else. You. The last thing I do is see you. That means something.

I overanalyze everything... and I don't like it.
Everything you say- I have it stored away in the back of my mind.
Whenever you talk, I listen. I never knew I wanted to know so much about anyone until I lied in your arms and your soft murmurs lulled me to sleep.

I still don't really know how this all happened.
It feels like I woke up a month later- "oh, that was such a lovely dream. Too bad it's not real." And continue on with life.
Except you want to see me. You want to hold me. You want to kiss me.
Even when I can't kiss you, I crave your presence. Do you know this?
I've said it a few times, but I'll say it again now- I miss you.
Do you know that when you said that to me the first time, I felt my heart literally jump?
The reason I don't say anything when you tell me these things is that I can't think of anything intelligent to say- which is quite a shame for a girl who considers herself to be a writer.

You take the words out of my mouth, the breath out of my chest, and the thoughts out of my head.

I'm scared.
I'm excited.
I'm hopeful.
Do you feel the same?

unreal.

Sickeningly slowly,
the edges of a cut
will begin to heal.

A soft pink scar
is all that's left
of what felt so real.

Days of rest,
hours of waiting
finally reveal

The mark of time
from getting over
what you made me feel.

lyrics provided by James Blunt.

"Did I disappoint you, or let you down?"

Well, did I? Why did you end what was between us so quickly?
And then once you asked for space, why wouldn't you let me go?!
Damn you, why can't you let me go. It keeps me hanging on, and my arms are getting tired of trying to hold you, my legs are tired from chasing after you.

"I am a dreamer, and when I wake. You can't break my spirits, it's my dreams you take."

I looked into my future and I saw you. Do you actually understand the depth of this? I saw YOU. Not where I would be or anything else about ME. I saw YOU.
But you walked away. You asked me to just forget it.

"I'm so hollow, baby. I'm so hollow. I'm so.. I'm so.. I'm so hollow."

Yeah, I am. It's your damn fault.
Now i'm stuck with this song on repeat and trying to forget you again.
What's worse, the words and memories that keep tugging at me when I thought at last they were gone.

"You touched my heart, you touched my soul, you changed my life and all my goals.
Love is blind and that I knew; my heart was blinded by you."

That's it, then- change. There was too much change in both of us and the world around us.
I was blinded, willingly, but I now cast that aside.
I can see, and I am looking past you.
It doesn't mean that I can see through the tears, but I can brush them away as I brush past you.

Goodbye, my lover.