Like you'll never see me again

I don't remember what you feel like anymore.
My memories of you used to be so clear and exact
but now they look like a san francisco morning
looking out at the distance with blurry eyes
shifting outlines and foggy thoughts

I wondered if you would love me like you would never see me again
like you would remember kissing me in the front seat of my car to that song
remember drawing a line from the front of my chin to the back of my skull
you always had a solid grip on my mind from the beginning

but I don't remember what you feel like
I have vague spits of moments where I can feel your palms on mine
your strong grasp and the calluses on the bases of your fingers
the way that you opened your hands right before we said goodbye
how it felt to have your arms hold me
one broken person embracing another
the first time i'd felt completed in a long time

but I don't remember exactly how you felt on my skin
I've held a firefly for the first time
skimmed the salty surface of the atlantic ocean at sunset
and left my fingerprints on the buildings of times square.
but I can't recall the goosebumps that even your name alone could induce.

You were my first; you're still my last.
that moment only is fully enhanced when I can realize what it felt like to make something with another person
that night, we made poetry. we made friendship. we made love.

Honestly, I just want you to hold me.
take my face in your hands and kiss me like you'll never see me again
because you won't.
love me like this is the last time
because it is.
because it was.
because it will be.