Mine

I feel like I'm addicted to you.
or like we already went through a break up and i'm reminiscing on how much i enjoyed you
but I can't help it
and I don't know why
but I always want to know what you're doing
where you are and what you're thinking

You...... ugh.
words are difficult.
you make me blush.
and I say stupid things around you.
I get defensive over nothing and forget that it was you who pursued me in the first place

but i've had a lot of guys try to catch me
only to find that i'm not what they thought
or something like that.
So many go out of their way to show me how great i am and how beautiful i am and blah blah blah
but then for whatever reason
i'm not great enough or beautiful enough or interesting enough for them to stick around

and then it's over.
i'm just not what they were looking for.
i'm not needy or clingy or dependent or crazy
and so they walk out the door and i'm left.

i'm always left behind when I take a chance.

I can't sleep.
I don't want to sleep.
I want to talk to you again.
Didn't you hear how excited I was to see your name light up my phone?

I miss you, damnit.

I don't even know you.

I can't fall asleep because I want you to hold me.
I want to press my face into your chest and breathe in all of you
I want you to not let me go
make me promises that I'll believe you'll keep
prove me wrong.
show me that i've learned all the wrong lessons
that you're not like all the other ones
that you're a good idea to take a chance on

I'm more than willing to give you enough time for the skeletons in our closet to dance together
but first you have to open the door so i can get inside.
and maybe you're just more busy than I am
or it's the time change
or you're not by your phone
or you think about things differently
but I always notice when you don't text back.
I keep track of how long it's been since we last talked.
all. the. time.

and it's making me feel like this crazy needy psycho girl
and that's not who I am
but that's borne out of my own insecurities that I can't keep a guy around
because it seems like... I can't.

but being clingy isn't going to help with that.

besides, i'd rather be myself fully and if that's too much for you to handle, then i'll know things weren't right
but you originally wanted me because of who I am
uncensored and unknowing
so why should I change now?

you and I are quite special
I'm just scared to lose something so rare
without even really getting a chance to call it mine in the first place