Shooting Practice

So many moments with so many people
and I've had writers block forever
actually writing right now just feels.... weird.

I'm seeing Justin tomorrow. we're going to talk about eeeeeeeverything
and i'm excited
but that means I have to put all my thoughts in one place
and i have so many thoughts.

I still miss my grandmother and Gretchen. I never properly grieved for them.
I'm scared to lose my father and mother and sister even if those fears are unfounded.
I'm still coping with everyone trying to kill themselves and never taking a moment to wonder how that would affect me.
the only men I've been intimate with I've had to leave two weeks later.
I feel like I don't know how to commit.

I'm so tired of being superwoman all the time for everyone.
I can't write poetry and I don't know why. it just won't come.
I think Zach was right and I hate it
but I can't get anything to flow like it used to
maybe because I'm going through a huge change

but my words just aren't coming out like they used to
there's no ease in them any more
and i don't know where that went.

I'm scared that I won't break out of it
but at the same time
I know that this has happened before
and it always gets resolved

because I write poetry when I'm passionate
and my emotions are all tangled and wrapped up in other places
and I've been letting my mind rest
finally
so once I engage it again
it will engage with the world

and my words will come back to me.
hopefully.