Good morning

I fell asleep tracing your outline into my sheets
and woke up with your name traced onto my lips

Your words whispered me the kindest lullaby that was joined by the birds with enough audacity to start singing before the sun had kissed this side of my sanity Good Morning.

Good Morning.
you're the first one that I thought of even when I can't fully think straight
when I'm in the limbo between dreaming and reality
where I can still pretend like I'm pulling you close to me
but it feels more real than it should.

Good Morning.
I spent my few hours of sleep wondering when I'd be able to wake up next to you
hoping my subconscious could weave the threads of our conversation into a tapestry that made sense
one that I could curl up with when I get cold in the middle of the night
but no such luck has graced me yet.

Good Morning.
It's the moment as the world around me is starting to take its first deep inhale upon regaining consciousness
that moment before all your regular thoughts come flushing back like high tide
when you are completely aware of everything and know how greatness feels
until you forget it a moment later
and return your mind to its normal way of thinking

Good morning.
tell me that I've only been dreaming for the last three hours and not the last eight
tell me that everything you said is true
tell me all the stories that I can see waiting for me behind your eyes
tell me the smallest details of things you see and notice; pictures you would take if only your camera could properly get the message across
tell me how it feels when I make you flush with joy, with apprehension, with anticipation, with desire
tell me I'm beautiful and I just might believe you
tell me if I've made a effective enough dream catcher for you
tell me if I've helped the nightmares stop gripping you with fingers of disbelief
or if i've made it easier to run back to the comfort of reality once your subconscious releases its grip
tell me all the secrets that you have and you have collected
tell me whispers of stories you don't want anyone else to hear
tell me that you know you're on my mind
first thing when I wake up

Good Morning.
this
this is a new day
full of more surprises than the last because this one
is seen through a different shaded stained glass
there are prisms everywhere I look, light being bent refracted reflected and changed
and my mind is running at full speed with no sign of stopping anytime soon
but the only thought that I have in this small moment
is how much I would love to be pressed next to your chest
skin pressed to skin
fingertips and heartbeats intwining
and hear you murmur softly into the soft heat of my neck
those two simple words

Good morning.

three thousand miles

I miss you.
god, i miss you.

it's this constant presence in my mind and pressure in my chest
and I don't want to miss you but i do and it keeps happening
my train of thought pulls into stations that i'd rather pass through
rather not remember how your fingertips felt when they were intwined with mine
how you got a sparkle in your eye every time you spit poetry
like some part of your heart was shining through

and you said your heart was gone, was broken, wasn't able to be given any more
so i said i wouldn't give you mine.
but here's the problem:
I don't want anyone else to have it.

don't want anyone else to know the secrets of my skin
don't want to show them all the scars written in invisible ink
I don't want to let anyone else in

because if I do
i'm afraid I'll forget how you felt.

but at the same time
i want to sleep next to a stranger to erase you from my hands memory
you're the last person that I kissed
and I don't know whether I want to embrace that fact or run the fuck away from it

I keep having bipolar arguments inside my own head
inside my own heart
that don't lead me anywhere
except to lead me to being distracted,
wishing that i could have you near me and yet finding acceptance that you're so far away

you are approximately three thousand miles away from me right now
but to be more exact, it's about 2,836 miles. I checked.
which is about 54 hours by car
or five and a half by plane
and none of this really means anything
because it's not like you'll hear it anyway
it's just a way for me to stop thinking about the fact
that I miss you.

Closing chapter

I made it through all the anger.
Through a five hour plane ride, two finals, and a lack of sleep.
I'm on the other side of the country from you- I even dipped my fingers in a different ocean in the hopes that it would wash away the memories written on the lines of my fingerprints

You told me that in my own way with my own voice, I saved your life.
you said to remember to take the lightbulbs with me under my fingertips because it would help knowing my hands know the way.
You reminded me not to forget to use my voice and asked me to save somebody for you out there.
you thanked me. for being born.

I deleted your text messages.
All of them.
I had them saved for the last seven days as a reminder of that late night call
when I told you everything that my hands were afraid to write
I said how much I wanted to see you again
but I knew it wouldn't happen.

I still miss you, I miss your touch, your laugh, your voice
the way that you would get really quiet and speak to me softly
kiss my wrists when I had my hands on your shoulders

You told me that you couldn't give me anything
so I didn't ask you to
but I gave you all that I could.
I wanted you to have anything that could help soothe the anger behind your eyes

So here's to the future
to not knowing when our paths will cross again
and I'm alright if they stay separated
because you're part of the story that I'm still writing.

Chaos pt 2

In the last seven days
I have seen you three times
for a total of 22 hours
but if I could count the amount of time that I think of you when you're not around
that last number would be a lot bigger

and last year I stumbled upon a quote by Nietzsche
You must have chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star
I knew it was beautiful but I didn't fully understand it
part of me knew I was supposed to be moved by it
but it never really sunk in
until I met you

you have so much chaos in your soul that you've given rise to entire galaxies
and I feel like I'm just sitting here in the dark
always trying to find serenity
walk along the path back to my center
leaving chaos as the ultimate indulgence
like the last piece of seven layer chocolate cake
I would only consume it on rare occasions
but the frosting would be too thick or the flavor would be too rich
and I would always leave it half finished
never fully enjoying my slice

until you appeared.
well, you didn't really appear so much as you were already there
and I was the one to walk in
lock eyes with you
and see that there was something burning behind your tiger lily eyes
the thing I didn't know about having chaos in your soul
is that it transforms you into someone on fire
and you were keeping the flames just below your skin
it was the most beautiful dance of embers I've ever seen.

you ripped apart the airwaves between us
and i couldn't help moving to the new music of dissonance.

In the last seven days, I have seen you three times for a total of twenty two hours.
but the time that I'm going to be spending thinking about you in the years to come
is a number that I don't want to think about.

Magnets

This is something I hope I don't have to read again.
Something I hope I don't have to write again.
Because I can't tell you everything
so I'll keep you here
pressed between the pages in my mind
and the space between my fingers and the keys that would type
please don't leave me.

I can already tell that I'm going to miss you more than I can even begin to understand.
but you have nothing to give me, and I have nothing to give you.
but we are opposite sides of the same magnet
we make a complete circle.
and yet, we form the point that the circle will be broken at
in less than a week.

To say that I value your time is an understatement.
moments with you are currently my most precious commodity
and I can't get enough of them.

You don't understand why I'm here.
You think I'm bat shit insane.
Well, I probably am.
but that doesn't change the fact that you make my whole body sing.
my soul starts trilling when you walk in the room
my mind bounces around gleefully when your name lights up the screen on my phone
hell, I've even actually sung in front of you.

I feel comfortable around you.
and I know that you've had enough people tell you that to make it sound old
but I'm not like that
I don't get comfortable
I don't let my guards down
I don't walk away from the strength that I've been building for so long.

I'm trying to figure out what we're creating
so that I can understand what I'm going to take away from all of this
but I think it's going to be wordless, nameless, faceless

So here's to hoping that I won't miss you too much.
that you won't get buried too deep into me
that pulling you out won't break too many things
I promised that you wouldn't hurt me
and I stand by that.
I'll probably end up hurting myself by accident
but if we can both heal a few fissures
patch together some of our jagged earthquake cracks
then this will be worth it.

Chaos

You have these tiger lily eyes that like to hide their stripes
I used to be afraid of the power behind them until I heard the stories in your fingertips
Until I read the Braille in your palms
Until I discovered the history of your skin

You are a natural disaster of creative destruction
You are a whirlwind that wound it's way into my life
An earthquake that rips apart my self controlled tectonic plates
A boiling rolling volcano of a person that engulfs me in heat when I stand too close

You call yourself the god of chaos
Which makes me the goddess of serenity
Where you create mayhem, I find harmony
Where you supply dissonance, I dance to a new music
Where you see an end with destruction, I find a beginning in fresh growth

But I want to know what it feels like for there to be chaos in my soul
What it feels like to be on fire
I've written of heat before
But only you can make sparks scatter up my skeleton
Embers glow under my skin
And flames of passion flicker in the windows of my eyes or the doors of my fingertips

Let me trace the maps of your body
Call me a cartographer
I want to know the rivers of energy in your veins
The rise and fall of your mountainous chest
The deserts that appeared in your past when you were deserted

Let me dance with you
Between the stars until we create a supernova
We'll light up the night sky
Astronomers will know our names
And even the moon will be jealous
But we'll speak to her in a foreign tongue
And call her La Lun so she knows we're calling her crazy

Let me speak your language without using any words
Because this moment is a dangerous dynamic dynamite stick
That changes every time you move
Every time you move me
There is a tempting tantalizing tingling that takes over me
I'm positionally pressed, physically and psychologically paralyzed
Playing hide and seek until we're both lost in the moment

I want to dive into the pools of your mind
Leg your tsunami waves of thoughts crash over me and the riptide pull me under
Or I'll throw pebbles into the ponds of ideas and watch the ripples kiss the banks
I want you to be abl to see the wildfire under my skin, a red pink flush that slowly overcomes me like a summer sunset reflects on the clouds
Because you are an afternoon in the middle of august and I am a double scoop of butterscotch ice cream
I melt when you come near me

On good days, I like to think I can call myself a poet
But when I'm surrounded by nights full of talent, I just feel like a girl with a pencil who's lucky enough to have an audience listen to her stories
So this poem is for you
Letting you know that im not sure where my trail of ink will lead
But I want to write you into my story anyways
I know what I'm getting myself into, if you trust me on this
I'm waiting for your fuse to ignite
I'm ready.

Crushed Velvet

I want to sleep with you.
Not sleep with you with you, but sleep next to you
lay my head down next to yours
fall asleep to the lullaby of our heartbeats intwining
and let your eyes be the first thing I see
I don't want to wake up to the sun anymore
because I want my world to revolve around you.

and I want to hold your hand
not just have fingers interlock like the teeth of a zipper
but I want you to lead me forward
challenge me, push me
make me want to be better just by being around you

and I want to kiss you
not just let lips exchange love letters and set sparks that crackle up my spine
but touch you gently with the most sensitive part of me
to let you know that I want to know your skin
because my fingers just aren't enough to know the maps of your body
so call me a cartographer
because I want to know every single rise and fall of your mountainous chest
every river of passion that you have flowing under your skin
and every desert that appeared in your past when you were deserted

because I'm not just another girl
I know who you are and I see who you're about to become
like our life timelines have always been running towards each other
and I can't help feeling like the luckiest girl in the world
whenever I see you smile at me
with dimples so deep
little notches in your cheeks
that I didn't notice for a while
because I couldn't look at anything besides your eyes.
when another girl looks at you
I want to say that her eyes don't have
the ability, the courage, the privilege to gaze upon you
because when I look at you
I see more than your enchanting smile
I see a future I never expected
a friendship beyond measure
and a depth that I thought I would only find in philosophies of religion

but honestly, I hear you unexpectedly
my mind recalls the sound of your poetry
and how I wish you'd written it about me
and your voice that sounds like crushed velvet when you sing
so luxuriously smooth but with an edge to it
every time I listen to Ordinary People
i want you to realize
that I'm not an ordinary person
but I want to be your ordinary person
and we can blend in together

or we could stand up on rooftops and shout at the hordes of sheep
that they need to think for themselves
that there are so many things in this world to care about
and they just have to pick one
or even just make loud noises for the hell of it

so I'll leave you with this.
If I was going to be love drunk off one intoxication, it would be you.
If I was going to be satisfied with one love, it would be yours.
If I was going to write one love poem, this would be it.
not than I know what love is though
I keep my heart quiet
learned how to make it stay silent
but for you?
my heart would sing.


I like to think that I'm independent
that I don't need anyone to help me through my life
but I can't help thinking that I want you.
I don't need you, but I want you.
next to me.
with me.
because my heart usually stays quiet
it learned to be silent
but for you?
for you, my heart would sing.