Cascades

Why is it that I feel the most alone when I'm surrounded by people who love me the most?
Maybe not so much alone just as let down. By people i thought i could count on to be who they said they would be... but words are always easier than actions.

I drove home tonight, then turned around and kept driving. I drove along the country roads and attempted to lose myself among the stars.
It was a full moon tonight. It shone on my face as I followed the curves of the road, trying to pick out individual thoughts. Eventually, I stopped. I stepped out of my car in the middle of nowhere- surrounded by empty land on both sides- and lied down in the middle of the road.
I stared up into the night sky. I listened to the soft trilling of the Killdeers and the gentle murmurs of the frogs. I watched as one, then two cars drove to unknown destinations.
I was totally and completely alone. I let my thoughts cascade over one another, crashing and flowing of their own accord.
I looked up at the bright, shining moon, and I actually saw it. I listened to the sounds of nature that are all around, and I actually heard them. I actually felt the stars and the cold wind on my skin. I tasted the confusion and hesitation on my tongue.

I have my flaws, my minute imperfections. I try to be the best person that I can, but I can't help feeling confused/lost/afraid at times.
Confused as to who I should really have in my life. Lost for words when I try to talk about things that have happened. And afraid that I'm going to lose someone or that I'm not going in the right direction for my future.

The only way to truly express how I feel is with the complementary melodies of a piano song.
I want to stay home, where I belong... Yet I feel a tug on my heartstrings to return to the new home that I have created.
Can't I just sleep for a while and wait until all this passes?
I'm too young to be thinking this much. When will it be acceptable for me to not be looked upon as a child anymore?
When can I make my own decisions without someone remarking about my age?
When is it appropriate for me to assert what I want to do for the rest of my life?
When is it acceptable for me to say that I'm in love and not have people scoff at it?
I wouldn't know; I've never been in love.
I thought I was, once... But that's a different story entirely.

I'm in love with what I do; with the world around me. It changes constantly yet it's unpredictability is what fascinates me the most at times.
Maybe it's along the path that I know I'll follow that I'll find the answers to these questions... Or maybe it will lead me to more questions.
Still, it'll be one interesting journey to have.