Never saw it coming.

So unexpected. I still don't understand.
I hope understanding will come with time, and with healing.
I'm hurting. and I don't understand.
I asked the world to help me. I'm trying to get through this. I'm trying not to miss you, but it's so hard.
I won't think about it. I won't think about you. I won't. I won't. I keep telling myself I won't.
But there you are; you're everywhere I look. You're the music that keeps playing, you're the smell of incense that still lingers in my room.

You're such a big part of my life. of me. How can I let you go? How can I move on?
I'm trying to move past this, but I'm just starting to feel the tugging at the bottom of my chest that lets me know I'm alone.
I miss you.
There, I said it.
I feel like I made the wrong choice. I want you back. I want you here. I want your body next to mine. I want to wake up to your face, I want to wake up in your arms.
I can't run to you anymore, can I?

I thought I was special to you. I thought I meant something.
I did, I guess. You say I did. You say you care about me.
But you can't fall in love with me. Well, I never thought that it would last forever... It crossed my mind a few times though.
I really like being with you. I like spending time with you. I don't know how to deal with losing you.
It's just as hard, seeing you hurt over losing me.
I'm going to be strong through this and not talk to you. I'm going to give us space, even though it's the last thing I want.
I want to run down to your door and pull you close to me; ask you to reconsider.
But that's not who I am. That's not who you are.
I'm here. You're there. You're not going to change. and I'm not going to wait.

I'm an amazing girlfriend, I know I am.
Still, it hurts like hell. Can't I just be mad at you instead? Can't you go do somethign to piss me off and make me hate you?
No, I wouldn't want that. It would make it easier, but this is going to be better in the long run.
I guess I just have to get used to this dull aching in my chest.
I guess I have to start forgetting you.
I guess I have to move on.

But that doesn't mean I want to.