Wanting part 2

I want you to know that you give me the butterflies. Know that I've never been in love- but I want to know what it's like. I want to stop being angry at all the dumbasses that fucked me over, the nights that shouldn't have happened, the stupid mistakes I knew better than to make but they felt so good that made them anyway. I'm tired of compromising my identity for a future that he won't stick around long enough to recognize.

I want you to make me yours. Take me away from here and say we'll always be together- I've always wanted a forever man but I never wanted to ask. Thought it would make me look bad if people knew I didn't want to be alone. That Ive been doing me and doing it well for so damn long that I might sacrifice between my future with myself and my future with him. But I don't even have a him.
We only go through this life once. I know that I want to be able to wake up and hear "I love you" at least once. To feel okay for taking a risk; knowing that in the end it was worth it because the fireworks that happened when we were together were so much brighter than the flames that our relationship died in. To be able to look back and see the midddle of the story, not just the end.

I want to stop feeling like I'm broken, like I fucked up, like it's my fault that I don't trust the opposite sex when I know that that trust has been abused so many times. I want to not wonder what I'm doing wrong that I dontdesrve or get the chance at love. I'm tired of making excuses for how I am. I don't want to have to do this alone any more. I want to have a valentine and not feel guilty for that person helping me through rough patches. I wish someone would understand how my mind works and be willing to sacrifice for me.
I wish I didn't feel guilty for writing all this.