Gravity

We had the perfect day
that started with a piggyback ride and ended with an embrace, I was curled next to your chest
as your arms whispered me the promises that I knew you wouldn't keep.
wrapped in the mist that you told me not to be scared of
tiny droplets that brushed my hair as you held my face in your hand and kissed my fears away
Kissed away the questions on my lips, so I swallowed them whole
stayed silent, kept my tongue still even though my mind was racing like it was on the Indy 500
Hoping that the night would stay, that we could dance to the music of the stars
as they twinkled soft symphonies on our cheeks
listening to the stories of city lights that flickered so far away
So I turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to the fact that I know better.
I was a fool- I trusted you.

And these last two weeks of silence has caused my mind to become chaos
Pointing fingers shaped like guns at the cause of this mess
Knowing that I should just walk away
but I can't, because my knees get weak when I see you.
That I shouldn't speak to you again
but my vocal chords play the sweetest melodies when the sounds fall upon your eardrums
That I should just cut my losses
but I can't sever the ties to something with so much potential.

Honestly, I miss you.
but I'm almost certain that you won't hear this
because even if you were here, you've never really listened to me
You bipolar technicolor rollercoaster ride of a person
You change from one side of yourself to the other faster than a lightswitch.
and I never know which one I'm going to get.
Like the mystery center of a childhood candy.
you were wrapped in a bright cellophane exterior
that I could see right through

And I'm now smarter
I know I should have called allstate
So I could have ensured that I wouldn't be damaged
That the emotional car wrecks would be covered
that I could trust that I was in good hands.
because you've never held me close, have you?

You've never had the courage
to ask me the questions that I know were burning in the front of your mind
because I could see them singed onto your forehead
You were afraid of me
afraid that I would hurt you
but this unchoreographed tightrope dance doesn't seem like the best alternative
because it's only going to end with one of us falling
with no safety net or trampoline to catch
the unlucky one who looses their footing

But
we both know
that I already fell
the tip of my shoe caught in the cracks of my forced smile
We both know
that my steady feet stumbled
and I fell into your gravity
and we both know
that you aren't going to try to catch me.

So let me hit the ground-
maybe it will knock some sense into me
maybe it will finally give me the strength to push you away
maybe it will paralyze me so that I can no longer feel so much
like I did that one night.
wrapped in the mist that you told me not to be scared of
tiny droplets that brushed my hair as
we listened to the stories of city lights that flickered so far away
when you touched my skin so softly, held my hand so gently
I felt tingling spiders of ecstasy racing up my arm,
as if my fingers wanted to tell the rest of my body what it was missing.
That night was perfect.
But the sun always rises
and so does my voice
so I'll yell your name from the roof of my apartment
in hopes that you'll hear it
because my heart has been calling out to you for the last two years
and I've just been plugging my ears

So here's to hoping that this won't break me, here's to trusting you, here's to everything I know isn't going to work
Here's to gravity, because I'm still falling.