Secrets

Can I tell you a secret?

I thought I could fall in love with you.
I believed that our souls had been paired together long before life was breathed into our bodies
I saw my future spent in your arms
everything I wanted reflected in your bright blue eyes
I wrote volumes about you, but I guess it wasn't loud enough for you to hear.
Every piece of me was screaming at the highest tone for me to listen to my heart
but geography can't be changed; there was an entire ocean between us.

Can I tell you a secret?

I had a dream about you the other night.
I finally saw you again, I leapt into your embrace and willed you to never let me go
and you smiled at me like you just then understood what happiness feels like
you held me and whispered promises of tomorrow
that lingered on my ears like ladybugs
only to fly away once I opened my eyes
finding that I had reached out in front of me to find nothing there.
Awake and alone.

Can I tell you a secret?

I miss you.
It was a constant pain in my chest before
but now it's a dull ache
that stabs at me whenever I see your picture
or remember your voice
or the way that you would stay awake to talk to me
because for once, our dreams weren't better than reality.
You asked me why I play with my hair
and I said I was nervous.

Can I tell you a secret?

I still don't understand why you ended it.
One day you take a chance on something we both knew wouldn't work
and the next, you explain that you've "met someone else"
like she can measure up to me
how I make you feel
she can't challenge you like I do
can't make you blush like I do
can't want to be with you like I did.
but you can wrap your arms around her
you wanted a more tangible love interest.

Can I tell you a secret?

I never held back with you.
I unlocked the chains I'd put across my lips
after years of learning that boys only have one thing on their mind
and being stupid enough to believe them when they say otherwise
I trusted you.
I was hopeful enough that you wouldn't become the person that you did
that you wouldn't leave me with nothing
not even a way to cope with your absence
It's been exactly one year since we crossed paths.
and ever since then, I've been wishing that we never had.
Because then I wouldn't miss you so much
or still be angry with you
and I wouldn't know that you're still out there
I wouldn't know exactly what I want.

So, can I tell you a secret?

No, I can't. Because I already told you everything.