For you.

You were so immersed
in your own insecurities
that you blinded yourself
to my heart and to me;
I had already given you the keys.

You were the one to cast me aside
and made me believe I wasn't good enough
I fell for your and your lies
I was a fool; I've become tough.

You thought I didn't need you
you didn't show me
the feeling behind the words-
I denied all we could be.

You were the one
who dragged me down
made me hurt
when you weren't around

You should still be here
but the timing was wrong
It could have been perfect
we knew it all along

You're every boy
who couldn't be a man
you didn't chase me
when I ran.

I'm the one
who's moved on
I'll find love
and you'll find
that I'm gone.

Stop the ride; I want to get off.

I've had enough. I'm done.

I hate the way you jerk me around and can't make up your mind.
I hate the way you don't call when you say you will.
I hate the fact that you take time to see other people, but not me.
I hate that you're able to get over everything so damn quickly while I'm left hurting.
I hate how I try to show you that I'm upset and you're not even phased by it.
I hate that you didn't figure shit out when you had the chance.
I hate how you make me feel like this is all my fault.
I hate that I keep running back to you just to find that I was a fool for chasing you.
I hate always having you on my mind.
I hate thinking this could work when you seem to know that it can't.
I hate how you're still thoughtful and caring when I'm upset with you.
I hate your issues with communication.
I hate it when you hesitate.
I hate that you don't seem to care about how I'm dealing with this.
I hate that you can be so nonchalant.
I hate that you figured everything out too late.
I hate that you didn't say anything when you had the chance.
I hate the way that everything is still fine in your life when it feels like I'm falling apart.
I hate that you don't understand how hard this is for me.
I hate how you can laugh it all off.
I hate the suggestion that we can still be close friends.
I hate how you said you still have feelings for me.
I hate hoping that we'll be together.

and you know what the worst part is?
I don't actually hate you at all.

Anger and magnetic relationships

I hate you SO much right now! Okay, I don't hate you, but still.
I'm SO MAD AT YOU! Why can't you just leave me alone?
It's not my fault that I can't stay away from you! You pull me in; we're the two opposites of the same magnet. We're attracted to each other until we get too close, then we start to repel. Can't we just maintain a healthy distance?!

You've put me through so much and I just want it to end. I want it to be over! Just let me get over you already, dammit!
Time is our enemy, he won't let us realize anything until it's already too late

"It's all your fault, you called me beautiful. You turned me out, and now I can't turn back."
You showed me the possibility of a future together. You showed me something I'd never seen before, and when I fell I fell hard.

I'm going to come out and say it- I thought I could fall in love with you. I still think, maybe even know, that I could. But too many things keep getting in the way.
Timing, family, friends, our own stubborness, our feelings, the way we protect our hearts.

I'm too stubborn to let you go and yet I just want it to be over. Confused? check yes.

You make me so angry. It's very very rare that I actually get angry over anything. I'm angry at you, I'm angry with you, I'm angry at the whole damn situation! I don't want to take it all back and lose our memories, but I don't want to be here either!

Even as I write this I can feel my anger fading. I can never stay upset with you for long.
If I said these things to you, you would either be hurt or get angry with me in return.
If I hurt you, I would apologize and you would understand that what I'm saying is true but I'm only saying it because I'm angry and hurt already.
If you got angry in return, we would crash heads and then soften like we always do.

We always come back to wanting to be near each other.
I always come back to you once the anger and pain subsides. That tells you something- duh.
I know it's not fair to me or you to be in this situation, but maybe the two of us are supposed to struggle through this until we succumb to our magnetic selves.
We will either repel each other away and not come together again, or...
We will learn to keep the repelling sides of ourselves away from each other so that the pull towards the other is strengthened.

I'm know I was supposed to get over you, and I kinda did. For a little while anyway.
But I miss you. I'm sorry.

I was fine...

I had so much hope for you. For us.
You just had to take it away, didn't you? You just had to go and ruin everything.

I was fine, you know. I enjoyed riding on our somewhat dysfunctional roller coaster, and I wanted to take a chance on the unknown for once in my life. You were the reason, even though sometimes it made me hate you. I got jealous at little things you would say, but a simple smile from you could light up my day. Wow, I'm rhyming without even meaning to. You do that.
Sometimes I wish I'd never met you so that I'd never have to go through this or deal with it. Then, I'll remember all the memories we've created and (even right now) it makes me smile.

I was fine, you know. I was getting over you and the possibility of ever having an us, I even made a playlist of breakup songs that would help. I leaned on my friends who knew what I was going through, and they helped me be strong. It took me a few days, and I'd changed from thinking about you all the time to acknowledging the thought in passing. I was healing, after so many months of confusion that you caused. But then something came along that I didn't see.

I was fine, you know. Until I saw that stupid update. "What do I do when I realize that you're no longer there?" Are you talking about me, or something else? Were we wrong to crush our hopes so quickly without thinking about how much it would hurt? I want to see you, too. But is it the right thing to do? Should we stick with the original plan and suffer through this alone or is this going to bring us closer together? You can tell I'm still hopeful for us- you made me that way. I thought I'd gotten over it, but apparently not.

I was fine, you know. Then you came into my life. You waltzed right in and messed with my head so that I didn't know which way was up, but I was happy in a world without gravity. I could be so high on top of the world and then plummet so low- you did that too, but without meaning to. I really thought I could fall for you, but other times I wanted nothing to do with you. I've tried to give you up before, and that's obviously worked. Not.

I was fine, you know. I was living life how I wanted to, and then you opened the door to so many other possibilities. Suddenly, "fine" just wasn't good enough. I wanted to be more than fine. I wanted you. You did that too.

I'm not fine. Not yet.

Stuck

You are a so vindictive sometimes that I wonder how you got that way.
You get jealous and then don't tell me- how can I change my actions if you don't let me know that they upset you?
You are beyond frustrating. You are so hard to get a hold of, and once I do talk to you, you don't hear what I'm trying to tell you. Or, maybe you do and you just take away what you need to.
You play me hot and cold, which is completely unfair to me and we both know it. From the beginning, I thought we were a sure thing but you could never make up your mind. Once you did, it was too late. So, here we are again- am I not good enough for you to decide if you want in or out?
You are hurtful. You tell me that you feel guilty if you move on; I've trapped you in our twisted circle of friendship with feelings. That's also not fair- I'm just as trapped as you.
Yet...
You are kind. You show so much compassion to your siblings that I can't help but smile when you talk to them in the background.
You are funny, hilarious even. Your stories can always make me laugh, even when I'm at my lowest. When you smile, I have to return it, even if I'm upset with you.
You are honest. You are not afraid to call me out, which I didn't realize I needed. In return, I put up no facade- I am the purest me that I can be when I'm around you. There's no bullshit, there's no fake conversations, just who we are. Which is probably why it hurt so bad when you said you wanted out.

There are so many things about you that make me happy that they easily outweigh any frustrating qualities- why else do you think I stuck around for so long?
I guess that's the key word here: stuck. We're either stuck being friends, stuck not being friends, stuck with each other, or stuck being alone.
This sucks.

All the world's a stage

I was wrong. I thought you were going to be there for me, I thought we were going to work.
What should have been a love story with a touch of comedy turned into a horrible tragedy.
Whose tragic flaw is at fault? Your inability to be consistent, or my constant refusal to let go?

You're not sorry. I don't want to hear anything that you have to say; I don't care anymore.
You say that this is easier; cleaner. How dare you even suggest that this is the easy way out.
Pain in temporary, pride is forever? what about Pain is temporary, but love is forever?
Lies.
Pain is suffering and misery that we are physically programmed to block out once we make it through to the other side. Pride is partially at fault for why I'm nursing my cuts at the current moment.
and love? Let's not even go there right now.

That's what I get for trusting you, for believing that you wouldn't hurt me again.
I was the foolish female who chased the egotistical protagonist, too blinded by her emotions to realize that he simply wasn't ready.
I've had enough with the director of this sadistic bullshit.
No bows. No applause.
Let the curtain fall for the final time; let me perform on a stage where no one can see me.

messy, emotional, and sleep deprived but still truthful.

I can't say what I want to say most, because you won't hear me. You're not listening.
But I'm trying, damn you.
You are the most frustrating, challenging, and confusing person EVER.
I can't read you, and it drives me absolutely crazy! Whenever you come up in conversation, it's to say that no one understands what we're going through, not even us.

Let me make it simple for you:
My heart jumps when you stand next to me on the roof and take my hand.
I can't help but smile when you run to see me.
I hate when it feels like you don't want to see me.
I also really hate that I sound like an idiot whenever I try to talk about you and how I feel about you.

I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. I'm not confused, just stuck.
I'm stuck on you. Stuck with you. I want to stick with you.
I'm being patient until you figure out that I'm here.
You'll discover that I've been here all along... hopefully I have enough patience to still be there when that happens.

I miss you so much it makes me want to cry, want to run and see you, want to do anything to be with you.
You don't get it, do you?
I only seem desperate because I can't help it. I don't know what it is about you.
I just need to get the words on the page and out of my head.

Take me in your arms and say nothing at all.